T. R. Olsen, Normal IL
Why would you? In an age when we only believe in what we can see and measure, what evidence is there for the existence of love? Is there even space for it in our modern secular culture? In the secular humanist view of the world, what reason would there be to believe in something as make-believe and illogical as love. And yet, for most of human history, it’s been at the center of our poetry, artwork, literature, and just about every aspect of human life and culture. Its as if love has been a fundamental piece of humanity, but is it still? Further to the point, love has been intertwined with religion. If our culture has abandoned religion, as so many are quick to tell us, then has it abandoned love as well? If God is Love, then doesn’t rejecting God also mean rejecting love. What kind of humanity does that leave us with?
I guess we should start by clarifying our terms. There are a lot of different meanings for love. In philosophy, we’d typically divide love into 3 categories; eros (erotic love), philia (brotherly love) and agape (divine love). But, if we look at a dictionary definition of love, its largely focused on what I’d call infatuation. That feeling of being in love. The catholic catechism, on the other hand, defines love as to will the good of the other (CCC 1766). What I am focusing on here, is the general christian definition of love, put forward by Christ himself.
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”.
John 15:13
When I think of love I think of a willingness to sacrifice myself for someone. This is the notion of love which I’m concerned we may be losing in our culture. I think we would all acknowledge that humans have a tendency to put their own needs first. So, what reason is there in modern secular culture to overcome that, for one person to sacrifice themselves for another? Without getting something in return or being forced to. From the point of view of psychology, why would they? From the point of view of our belief/value systems, what is the justification? Is there one.
In the modern secular world, I think the notion of sacrificial love has been largely replaced by infatuation. If I ask the question “Do you believe in love?” on the street, they’d likely think I was asking if they believe someone can fall in love. I think this focus on infatuation grows out of that notion of sacrificial love and a desire for it, but doesn’t reach that end. Infatuation can lead to someone sacrificing themselves for another. But, is that truly love? Its as if the only reason someone would willingly sacrifice themselves for another is if their thinking is clouded by infatuation. Its like an intoxication of sorts, which isn’t bad (quite the opposite, its a gift from God) but also isn’t a foundation for a long lasting relationship. So, is there any reason for self-sacrifice beyond infatuation. To me, this is a fundamental question we need to address. Its at the heart of countless divorces and broken souls, as a couple realize they no longer are in love, and so there’s no longer any reason to continue. After all, why would they be willing to sacrifice for each other once the magic is gone? Do we see the importance of the question? It underpins the idea of marriage itself. Why bother to get married, if you don’t believe in love? And based on the statistics of young people avoiding marriage, it would seem there are many who don’t. Beyond marriage, this question of whether or not there is a reason to believe that people should be willing to sacrifice themselves for another is fundamental to everything from our daily interactions to our views of society.
In the modern view (which I take to be primarily based on secular humanism), there really isn’t much justification for people to do something which isn’t in their self interest. Maybe, I can sacrifice myself in some small way, if it gives me some sort of glory in the eyes of others (which often seems like the point of much sacrifice in the modern age). Maybe it will even make me feel better about myself. But, the common view of man is that we should really do what is in our own self-interest. I should maximise my own interests. Do what I want. Look out for numero uno. Take care of myself first. What justification is there for doing anything else? Isn’t this a fundamental question which is at the core of so many of our decisions? So many of our world views? Why would people do anything other than what’s in their own self-interest.
No, it doesn’t seem like there is much reason to believe in love at all in our modern age. The best science could do would be to claim that love is a chemical reaction created through evolution for the preservation of the species. That it’s in the biological best interest of the species to sacrifice for each other. This lines up to some degree with infatuation, but doesn’t seem like a long lasting foundation. But, I struggle to think of other secular justifications for sacrificial love. Does that satisfy you? Is that the reason love has dominated art and culture since the early days of mankind? Doesn’t really seem adequate to me. There are lots of things I should do for the best interest of mankind, but I’m probably not doing them. If we could rely on this, then people would be far less selfish, right? No, it would seem that in the modern view, the only reason why I should do something outside of my own interest is if I’m pressured to (by someone larger than me making it in my interest… be that through a boss threatening my job, or a government threatening my freedom… you’ll do it or else) or I’m just not thinking clearly… like infatuation. It would seem that the notion of voluntary self-giving, sacrificial and intentional love is just a fairy tale for disney movies and the hallmark channel. Make believe.
Anyone else sad about that? Is that really the best we have for justifying selfless action? Anyone else yearn to live in a world where love is real and people are willing to give everything for their brother man (not through force, pressure, or by a trick… but by choice)?
Enter Christianity
The founder of Schoenstatt (Fr Joseph Kentenich 1885-1968) talked a great deal about love. He called it the fundamental language which the world is written in. Christianity teaches that love is at the heart of everything. Its the very reason for our existence. Its the nature of God himself. And it’s through dedicating ourselves to God, who is sacrificial love, that we open our hearts to true joy and peace (fruits of the holy spirit).
Wow. See the difference in those two world views? One view struggles to justify any action outside of one’s self interest. The other says selfless love is the fundamental nature of the world, and the goal of our existence.
And this is why I think all those who predict the demise of Christianity will be as wrong as all those who’ve been predicting that for two thousand years. Sacrificial love always wins. Its written into our hearts. And if this culture has no reason to believe in sacrificial love, then there’s no way it will last. This is why I think the current trend away from Christianity is just another passing fad. People’s view of Christianity is clouded. They don’t see that at its heart its about love. They see pride. They see arrogance. And so they turn away. But, when that facade falls away, and all that is left is love— then they will come running back. Because in the depths of our souls, we are all yearning to believe in love. And Christ is where we find it in its fullest.
As a Christian, learning to sacrifice myself for the good of others should be at the core of my life. It is crucial to being Christ-like. As he suffered and died for us, I seek to die to myself for others as well. And if I can succeed in that death to self, then the notion of sacrificial love will become my nature, my purpose. If God is Love, then we can experience him through a genuinely self-sacrificing christian. As I die to myself, he grows within me. And love becomes present in the world through me. This is what allowed Christianity to spread to every corner of the world, and undermine the greatest empires in history (from Rome to Moscow). This is the Christianity we must rediscover in our daily lives, if Christianity is to shine again. This is our opportunity. This is our great honor. And, this is Schoenstatt.
Schoenstatt is a complicated thing to explain. But, one of my preferred ways is to call it Mary’s School of Love. In Schoenstatt, we invite Mary to be our educator. And love is the subject matter. We seek to gradually die more fully to ourselves, give more and more of our day to God, and manifest His love to the world. Through baby steps, we are trying to perfect that self-giving sacrificial love, through our Mother’s example and guidance.
So, do you believe in love? What are you doing to get better at it? What are you doing to get closer to Him, the God that is love?