Tim & Molly Olsen (Epiphany) discuss what it means to have a genuine childlike love for the father. Originally presented on Nov 14 2020 as part of Schoenstatt’s DOME series (reflections on Fr Kentenich’s Monday evening talks for couples).
Do you believe in love?
T. R. Olsen, Normal IL
Why would you? In an age when we only believe in what we can see and measure, what evidence is there for the existence of love? Is there even space for it in our modern secular culture? In the secular humanist view of the world, what reason would there be to believe in something as make-believe and illogical as love. And yet, for most of human history, it’s been at the center of our poetry, artwork, literature, and just about every aspect of human life and culture. Its as if love has been a fundamental piece of humanity, but is it still? Further to the point, love has been intertwined with religion. If our culture has abandoned religion, as so many are quick to tell us, then has it abandoned love as well? If God is Love, then doesn’t rejecting God also mean rejecting love. What kind of humanity does that leave us with?
I guess we should start by clarifying our terms. There are a lot of different meanings for love. In philosophy, we’d typically divide love into 3 categories; eros (erotic love), philia (brotherly love) and agape (divine love). But, if we look at a dictionary definition of love, its largely focused on what I’d call infatuation. That feeling of being in love. The catholic catechism, on the other hand, defines love as to will the good of the other (CCC 1766). What I am focusing on here, is the general christian definition of love, put forward by Christ himself.
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”.
John 15:13
When I think of love I think of a willingness to sacrifice myself for someone. This is the notion of love which I’m concerned we may be losing in our culture. I think we would all acknowledge that humans have a tendency to put their own needs first. So, what reason is there in modern secular culture to overcome that, for one person to sacrifice themselves for another? Without getting something in return or being forced to. From the point of view of psychology, why would they? From the point of view of our belief/value systems, what is the justification? Is there one.
In the modern secular world, I think the notion of sacrificial love has been largely replaced by infatuation. If I ask the question “Do you believe in love?” on the street, they’d likely think I was asking if they believe someone can fall in love. I think this focus on infatuation grows out of that notion of sacrificial love and a desire for it, but doesn’t reach that end. Infatuation can lead to someone sacrificing themselves for another. But, is that truly love? Its as if the only reason someone would willingly sacrifice themselves for another is if their thinking is clouded by infatuation. Its like an intoxication of sorts, which isn’t bad (quite the opposite, its a gift from God) but also isn’t a foundation for a long lasting relationship. So, is there any reason for self-sacrifice beyond infatuation. To me, this is a fundamental question we need to address. Its at the heart of countless divorces and broken souls, as a couple realize they no longer are in love, and so there’s no longer any reason to continue. After all, why would they be willing to sacrifice for each other once the magic is gone? Do we see the importance of the question? It underpins the idea of marriage itself. Why bother to get married, if you don’t believe in love? And based on the statistics of young people avoiding marriage, it would seem there are many who don’t. Beyond marriage, this question of whether or not there is a reason to believe that people should be willing to sacrifice themselves for another is fundamental to everything from our daily interactions to our views of society.
In the modern view (which I take to be primarily based on secular humanism), there really isn’t much justification for people to do something which isn’t in their self interest. Maybe, I can sacrifice myself in some small way, if it gives me some sort of glory in the eyes of others (which often seems like the point of much sacrifice in the modern age). Maybe it will even make me feel better about myself. But, the common view of man is that we should really do what is in our own self-interest. I should maximise my own interests. Do what I want. Look out for numero uno. Take care of myself first. What justification is there for doing anything else? Isn’t this a fundamental question which is at the core of so many of our decisions? So many of our world views? Why would people do anything other than what’s in their own self-interest.
No, it doesn’t seem like there is much reason to believe in love at all in our modern age. The best science could do would be to claim that love is a chemical reaction created through evolution for the preservation of the species. That it’s in the biological best interest of the species to sacrifice for each other. This lines up to some degree with infatuation, but doesn’t seem like a long lasting foundation. But, I struggle to think of other secular justifications for sacrificial love. Does that satisfy you? Is that the reason love has dominated art and culture since the early days of mankind? Doesn’t really seem adequate to me. There are lots of things I should do for the best interest of mankind, but I’m probably not doing them. If we could rely on this, then people would be far less selfish, right? No, it would seem that in the modern view, the only reason why I should do something outside of my own interest is if I’m pressured to (by someone larger than me making it in my interest… be that through a boss threatening my job, or a government threatening my freedom… you’ll do it or else) or I’m just not thinking clearly… like infatuation. It would seem that the notion of voluntary self-giving, sacrificial and intentional love is just a fairy tale for disney movies and the hallmark channel. Make believe.
Anyone else sad about that? Is that really the best we have for justifying selfless action? Anyone else yearn to live in a world where love is real and people are willing to give everything for their brother man (not through force, pressure, or by a trick… but by choice)?
Enter Christianity
The founder of Schoenstatt (Fr Joseph Kentenich 1885-1968) talked a great deal about love. He called it the fundamental language which the world is written in. Christianity teaches that love is at the heart of everything. Its the very reason for our existence. Its the nature of God himself. And it’s through dedicating ourselves to God, who is sacrificial love, that we open our hearts to true joy and peace (fruits of the holy spirit).
Wow. See the difference in those two world views? One view struggles to justify any action outside of one’s self interest. The other says selfless love is the fundamental nature of the world, and the goal of our existence.
And this is why I think all those who predict the demise of Christianity will be as wrong as all those who’ve been predicting that for two thousand years. Sacrificial love always wins. Its written into our hearts. And if this culture has no reason to believe in sacrificial love, then there’s no way it will last. This is why I think the current trend away from Christianity is just another passing fad. People’s view of Christianity is clouded. They don’t see that at its heart its about love. They see pride. They see arrogance. And so they turn away. But, when that facade falls away, and all that is left is love— then they will come running back. Because in the depths of our souls, we are all yearning to believe in love. And Christ is where we find it in its fullest.
As a Christian, learning to sacrifice myself for the good of others should be at the core of my life. It is crucial to being Christ-like. As he suffered and died for us, I seek to die to myself for others as well. And if I can succeed in that death to self, then the notion of sacrificial love will become my nature, my purpose. If God is Love, then we can experience him through a genuinely self-sacrificing christian. As I die to myself, he grows within me. And love becomes present in the world through me. This is what allowed Christianity to spread to every corner of the world, and undermine the greatest empires in history (from Rome to Moscow). This is the Christianity we must rediscover in our daily lives, if Christianity is to shine again. This is our opportunity. This is our great honor. And, this is Schoenstatt.
Schoenstatt is a complicated thing to explain. But, one of my preferred ways is to call it Mary’s School of Love. In Schoenstatt, we invite Mary to be our educator. And love is the subject matter. We seek to gradually die more fully to ourselves, give more and more of our day to God, and manifest His love to the world. Through baby steps, we are trying to perfect that self-giving sacrificial love, through our Mother’s example and guidance.
So, do you believe in love? What are you doing to get better at it? What are you doing to get closer to Him, the God that is love?
2019 October Convention
Every year around this time (the anniversary of Schoenstatt’s founding), the leaders of Schoenstatt gather in national conferences to reflect on the state of the movement and discuss how it can best serve the church in the coming year. We’ve been honored to attend the US leadership conference for 4 of the last 6 years, including the 2019 gathering which ended today. Schoenstatt is primarily a small group movement (couples, mothers, men, youth) and is mainly organized at a diocesan level. So, opportunities to meet with leaders from other regions of the country is a special opportunity to get a sense for the needs of the church outside our neighborhood and brainstorm on ideas to better serve our communities.
The primary focus of the conference is to come up with a motto for the year. That motto is then given to the groups around the United States to bring some unity to the often-disparate groups spread from Oregon to Florida and from New York to Nebraska. One aspect that stood out to me this year was a quote from Fr Kentenich, something to the effect of, “what Mary was to Christ, Schoenstatt is to the church”. So, how can we serve the church in this moment? We talked a lot about the need for forgiveness and unity in the midst of divisions (inside and outside the church), the need to passionately express our faith and various other topics brought up by the voice of our time. Our goal in Schoenstatt is to always have “our finger on the pulse of the times, and our ear to the heart of God”.
The motto discerned by the movement for this year is: United in Mary- On fire we go forward!
At first, we saw this statement as having two focuses; building unity and passionately going forward. The focus on unity was a major one for us. In this time of conflict and disunity within the church, our mother moves us to mercy. Mary’s role always reminds me of the unity cross, where Mary gets as close as possible to Christ on the cross. That is especially true in our season. As scandal, criticism and complacently attempt to tear the Church apart, our Mother would get as close as possible to the Body of Christ, to bring comfort and care. To love him. And that is where our mission starts. We need to be the peace makers and voice of forgiveness and mercy that brings our church together. And from there, we must passionately go forward. In the spiritual life, we are either going forward or falling backward. There’s no such thing as standing still. Its like swimming in the ocean and not realizing that the tide is gradually moving you down the beach. So it is in our faith. We are either swimming against the tide, or we are getting swept down the beach without even noticing. And so, we must passionately press against the current and look for the open doors to bear Christ to the world.
This year’s motto matches well to the overall mission of Schoenstatt, particularly when viewed through the three graces of Schoenstatt; the grace of a home, the grace of inner transformation, and the grace of apostolic zeal. Unity in Mary matches well to feeling at home. And this is the root of everything in Schoenstatt. If we don’t feel at home, then we won’t be open to transformation. And if we aren’t transformed, we won’t be moved to go forth with apostolic zeal. So, it is on us to promote unity this year, in our families, in our groups and beyond. Lets help each other and our community to find peace, compassion, forgiveness, and a home wherever we are. From there, we must be lit afire by the holy spirit. Our Blessed Mother stands eager to pour transformative grace upon us. Are we open to it? Do we long for it? We must passionately implore the grace of God, if we are going to be the husbands, wives and children of God which our generation needs. And lit afire, we must go forward with apostolic zeal. Let everyone who doubts the greatness of God’s love for them, find it in our words and in our deeds. Lets once again recommit ourselves as instruments in our Mother’s hand, gradually dying to ourselves more deeply to make more room for his grace, that others may come to know Him through us.
Long Homeshrine Dedication
Congratulations to the Long family on their Schoenstatt Homeshrine Dedication on September 22 2019. Their shrine is named ‘Keys to the Kingdom’ and was dedicated by Fr Pushpa, a Schoenstatt Father visiting from Wisconsin.
United in the Covenant, we look forward with hope to the graces which will flow from the shrine into your family and beyond. Our Blessed Mother is going to love living there.
Head Homeshrine Dedication
Congratulations to the Head family on their Schoenstatt Homeshrine Dedication on September 21 2019. Their shrine is named ‘United in Love’ and was dedicated by Fr Pushpa, a Schoenstatt Father visiting from Wisconsin.
United in the Covenant, we look forward with hope to the graces which will flow from the shrine into your family and beyond. Our Blessed Mother is going to love living there.
December Father & Son Retreat (Dec 13-15)
Boys (10 and up) and their dads are invited to the annual Schoenstatt Father & Son Retreat in Waukesha Wisconsin the weekend of December 13-15. This retreat has been attended by many Bloomington-Normal families over the years and is an annual favorite. The retreat typically includes capture the flag after dark (in the shadow of the Schoenstatt shrine), flag football, kick ball, card games all interspersed with talks on heroic virtue and celebrations of the sacraments (daily mass and confession). The retreat is held at the Schoenstatt International Retreat Center and food and lodging prepared by the Schoenstatt sisters. Every guy whose gone on this retreat has raved about it as an awesome weekend of father/son fun. Multiple families from the community will go this year. Will you join us. Contact the sisters to book a room ( phone: 262-522-4300 ) or talk to Tim Olsen for details.
New Couples Groups Forming (Summer/Fall 2019)
Do you ever feel like you are on your own, trying to raise a family in a hostile world? Do you struggle to connect your faith into your daily life? Do you want to be part of a community where you are inspired to be who God created you to be, but loved in spite of your failings? Do you want a community of friends who become more like family and are there to support you when you need them? These are some of the goals of our Schoenstatt Family Groups. Roughly one year ago, we formed 2 Schoenstatt Family Groups (16 families total). Would you like to be in one too?
We are looking for families who may want to join additional groups.
- Topics covered
- Marriage enrichment and family growth (financial management, communication etc)
- Personal and family sanctification
- Devotion to Mary
- Schoenstatt spirituality (Childlikeness, Everyday Sanctity, Trust in Divine Providence)
- Some limited reading is expected
- 80% forming our own families, 20% working in the community to serve marriage and family
- Meetings
- Meet once a month (date can fluctuate to accommodate schedules)
- Couple’s meet while kids meet (or play)
- Potluck meal for the group (1 part meeting, 2 parts fellowship, mix and serve)
- Food allergies are welcomed and managed by the group.
- Additional activities
- Apostolic efforts to encourage marriage and family focus with God at the center (‘domestic church’ building)
- Social get togethers (bowling, movies, picnics)
- Spiritual gatherings (retreats, talks, praise nights)
- Membership in Schoenstatt is not required
- Groups will typically go through the Schoenstatt preparation materials (Covenant of Love with Mary and Homeshrine preparation), however actually joining after preparation is not required and is your own discernment
- Some people participate in Schoenstatt activities for decades without joining
- A successful group:
- Is long lasting (many groups last decades rather then years)
- Is an extended family that you can rely on
- Encourages you to become who God called you to be
- Draws you closer to our Heavenly Father, through a relationship with our Blessed Mother
- Is something you (and your kids) look forward to
- Open to any couples (young or old, 0 to 20 kids)
- Something that allows you and your spouse to grow in your faith together
Sign up here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfNhVKEruZsgf-8eoAqxfED3y-a4nnFkjc3vmx1raG5PbJUlw/viewform?usp=sf_link
Swantek Homeshrine Dedication
Congratulations to the Swantek family on their Schoenstatt Homeshrine Dedication on August 14 2019. Their shrine is named ‘Fountain of Love’. United in the Covenant, we look forward with hope to the graces which will flow from the shrine into your family and beyond. Our Blessed Mother is going to love living there.
Thoele Homeshrine Dedication
Congratulations to the Thoele family on their Schoenstatt Homeshrine Dedication on June 21 2019. Their shrine is named ‘the Shrine of the Visitation’. United in the Covenant, we look forward with hope to the graces which will flow from the shrine into your family and beyond. Our Blessed Mother is going to love living there.
